Father’s Day When Your Dad is in Hospice
Father's Day holds a special place in our hearts; it's an occasion to honor those men who have nurtured, guided, and loved us unconditionally. But when your father is receiving hospice care, fond memories mingle with bittersweet reality, making the holiday feel a bit complicated as you try to process through a wide range of emotions.
Hospice reminds each one of us that we have a limited time on this planet, and that we should take every opportunity to express our love and gratitude for all of our loved ones while we are all still together.
Navigating Personal Grief
Even before we experience the death of a parent, the emotions we feel can be complex and confusing. Grief is an understandable response, reflecting how deeply connected we are to them even when we haven’t yet lost them. And it gets even more complicated if you are one of your parent’s primary caregivers during the hospice process. You may experience a mixture of grief, stress, gratitude, joy, regret, peace, acceptance, and more.
Recognizing and validating all of your feelings is vital in order to fully experience them without judgement or resistance. Seeking support from loved ones, counselors, spiritual care coordinators, social workers, or grief support groups can provide a safe space in which you can express these emotions while finding comfort through shared experiences.
Remember, grief is an inexact science; there's no single path or right way to experience it. Some days may bring laughter and fond memories; other days can feel heavier with sorrow. Accept each stage as part of life's cycle - your father would want you to find moments of comfort among the sorrow.
Creating an Amazing Father’s Day
As Father's Day nears, our desire to honor our fathers and create lasting memories takes on increased significance. This special day provides an opportunity to recognize all they've done for us as people, and express gratitude for all the effort and care they gave us over the years.
Here are a few activities you can do to create a meaningful, memorable experience:
1. Tell Stories and Reminisce
Gather loved ones together and recount tales that capture the essence of your father's spirit, such as his quirks, wisdom, and humor that have had such an impactful role in shaping your life. Encourage other members of your group to contribute their stories, creating an enduring tapestry of memories for future generations to cherish.
Make sure you share these stories in the presence of your loved one. Many times, we don’t recognize just how much impact something small can make on the entire trajectory of someone’s life, and your loved one might not even know about some of the ways they helped you over the years.
2. Create a Legacy Project
Work together with your father to craft an enduring tribute that commemorates his life's journey, whether this takes the form of scrapbooks, video montages, or a written memoir. Include him as much as possible in this process and give him space to share their wisdom, experiences, and personal reflections.
3. Plan Activities that Hold Special Significance
As your father's condition allows, create activities with special significance for him - be it watching his favorite movie together, having lunch featuring some of his favorite dishes, or revisiting places that hold cherished memories.
Ask them questions like, “Can you show me the exact place where you proposed to my mother?” or “Would you be ok if we drove by your elementary school and you told me about your favorite school memories?”
4. Express Gratitude
Take time to express your thanks and love for your father openly and publicly. Craft an open letter sharing specific moments or lessons that have had the most impactful influence on your life; read it aloud so its words resonate and create lasting memories.
5. Make Lasting Mementos
A great way to remember and commemorate your father is through creating lasting mementos of his presence - whether this means making handprint and footprint impressions or recording his voice or favorite songs. Maybe it is making sure you know exactly which cologne he preferred, so you can keep a bottle handy.
We also have a beautiful “Questions and Answers” printable journal that you can find in our library of free downloads. It has 28 pages worth of interesting questions you can ask your Father to capture his memories, advice, favorite quotes, and more. Get access to that by leaving your email here:
A Few Last Suggestions
At each celebration, it is crucial that you remain flexible and responsive to the needs and preferences of your father. Hospice care can be a delicate journey; therefore his comfort should always take precedence. Make changes as necessary and cherish every moment together no matter how brief or insignificant they may seem.
As you plan and execute meaningful celebrations for father's Day, remember that the best gift you can give our father at this time is simply your presence. Being fully present allows you to truly connect and cherish every precious moment you still have together.
Be seated by your father's side, holding his hand, and allow the silence to fill with unspoken love that unites you both. Listen intently as your father shares stories from his life and shares wisdom from his experiences that are the hallmarks of living well. Give gentle touches, soothing words, and assurances that he is valued, respected, and deeply loved.