A Caregiver's Guide to Asking for Help

As a caregiver, you pour your heart into providing comfort and care for your loved one. Yet sometimes the most loving thing you can do – both for them and yourself – is to ask for help. Many caregivers struggle with feelings of guilt when considering asking others for support, but sharing the care journey isn't a sign of weakness – it's a sign of wisdom.

Why It’s So Hard To Ask

If you feel guilty about needing help, you're not alone. Many caregivers worry they're somehow failing their loved ones by not doing everything themselves. Some feel they should be stronger, more capable, or more resilient. Others worry about burdening family and friends. These feelings are natural, but they shouldn't prevent you from seeking the support you need to provide sustainable care.

Reframing the Ask

Think of asking for help not as admitting defeat, but as creating a circle of care around your loved one. When you involve others, you're actually providing better care by ensuring you'll have the energy and presence to be there for the long haul. You're also giving others the meaningful opportunity to show their love and support in tangible ways.

Starting Small

Begin by identifying small tasks that others could easily handle. Perhaps someone could pick up prescriptions, prepare a meal, or sit with your loved one while you attend to personal appointments. Starting with specific, manageable requests helps both you and potential helpers feel more comfortable with the process.

If you have a lot of reluctance around asking family members for help (or if you don’t have family members to ask!), you can take advantage of our Volunteer program. Many members of our community are happy to volunteer their time and skills to help you with a variety of tasks. Learn more about volunteers by clicking here.

Creating Clear Communications

When asking for help, be specific about what you need. Instead of saying "I could use some help sometime," try "Would you be able to stay with Mom next Thursday afternoon while I go to my doctor's appointment?" This clarity makes it easier for people to say yes and know exactly how they can support you. It also allows you to get exactly what you need.

Building a Support System

Consider creating a small network of helpers rather than relying on just one or two people. This approach prevents any single person from feeling overwhelmed and ensures more consistent support. It also allows different people to help in ways that best match their abilities and schedules.

Accepting Different Forms of Help

Support comes in many forms. Some people may be able to provide hands-on care, while others might help by running errands, managing paperwork, or providing emotional support through regular phone calls. Every type of help is valuable and contributes to your loved one's care.

Ask Directly for What You Want

When people offer to help, be honest about your needs and circumstances. Share any relevant care instructions, preferences, or concerns. This clarity helps ensure that the help you receive actually makes your life easier rather than creating additional stress.

Getting Started

Start today by making a list of specific tasks where help would be welcome. Then identify people who might be willing to assist with each task. Remember that most people want to help – they often just need to know how. By giving them the opportunity to support you, you're allowing them to show their care in meaningful ways.

Remember that seeking help is a form of self-care, and self-care is essential for providing good care to others. When you're well-rested and supported, you can be more present and patient with your loved one. This makes asking for help not just acceptable, but necessary.